That Final Email From My Web Designer
Chances are you’re reading this on The Spritz Project website, which means the blog has launched successfully! You’ll realize in a matter of seconds that this post was obviously written before Blog Launch Day, but I still think it’s important to share. One of my goals with The Spritz Project is to give you all a glimpse at my thoughts and emotions throughout this brand building process. So here we go:
The Spritz Project website has been under construction by my fabulous developer, Megan of The Busy Bee, for just under two months. It’s been in the pipeline for just under four. What this means is it should come as no surprise when Megan emails me announcing the completion of the site. Basically, the below email shouldn’t cause much alarm:
“Thanks so much for these edits! I've made them all for you, my dear. The only things that are left are to add in your blog posts. Did you have any that you wanted to send over my way to upload? If not, just let me know if you have an estimated timeline on when they will be done :)“
But here’s the thing, it actually does spark quite a bit of alarm.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited about the launch of The Spritz Project. This is something I’ve been talking about for months and something that I’m incredibly passionate about. It’s going to allow me to start a conversation about brand and business building that isn’t all too common.
So, you’re probably wondering, Anna, why are you freaking out?
I’m freaking out because once the site launches, I’m committed. The Spritz Project goes from being this lofty idea that sounds all well and good, to an actual reality. If I really got too overwhelmed I could pull the plug, say I got cold feet, and people would likely forget about my idea within a matter of days. At this point, The Spritz Project feels very non-committal. It’s like that boyfriend you’ve told everyone about, but nobody has actually met -- you could break up the next day and people simply wouldn’t care as much. Launching the website is like taking that next step in a relationship. I’m legitimizing my idea and sharing it with the world as an extension of myself.
Now, I’ll be frank: I know The Spritz Project isn’t going to be for everyone. And I’m perfectly comfortable with that. In fact, I’d be setting myself up for failure if I was striving for that.
The fear goes deeper than wanting people to like it...
I’m afraid that once I share The Spritz Project with the world I’ll grow to resent it.
I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. If my final product isn’t perfect I slip into a super negative space. I get down on myself. I become overly critical to a point where I’m mean to myself. I can’t imagine anyone who would willingly welcome that kind of treatment into her life.
I also thrive in my routine. Because this whole new venture is still so new I haven’t had an opportunity to really nail down a routine. When I don’t have that routine to depend on, oftentimes I feel like I’m drowning. And, again, I can’t think of anyone who would be jazzed about a new reality that involves periods that invoke that feeling. (Yes, I’ve been well-intentioned and have attempted to establish one, but I’m realizing that it’s just too soon to really have the structure that I’m looking for. I’m just going to have to learn how to roll with the punches a little better than I’m used to until I establish some kind of rhythm.)
So because I’m being honest I have to share that I only have rough drafts of what I want to post. I’m only days away from Blog Launch Day and I essentially don’t have content to publish. I’ve told Megan that I will get it to her, but the problem is I don’t even know, myself, when I’ll be able to finalize the content I want to share. I’ve sat down to write a few times and the words just don’t flow. I’ve also procrastinated, doing other tasks for the brand that are so insignificant compared to blog content. I feel stuck and even somewhat frozen.
But I guess if I were to talk to someone wise about my feelings, they’d point out that my hesitation in launching The Spritz Project is based primarily in fear. At the end of the day I would be incredibly disappointed in myself if I let fear keep me from pursuing something so important to me. So what does that mean? I’m going to figure all of this out and it’s all going to be okay. (Yes, cliche, I know.)
Like I mentioned before, since you’re reading this online, I clearly walked through my fear. And more importantly, I proved to myself that even when feeling timid, I can do things that sometime feel impossible.
Thanks for reading :)